My Quiet Hours of Heartache

Tonight, as my girls sleep peacefully beside me, my heart feels anything but peace.

The house is quiet, but inside my mind it’s anything but. I keep replaying everything that’s happened — the loss, the pain, the disbelief — and all I can feel is this overwhelming guilt and heartbreak. Guilt that I get to tuck my babies in while my family faces the unthinkable. Guilt that I can still kiss my daughters goodnight while my sweet cousin can’t kiss hers anymore. It’s a kind of pain that words don’t quite reach.

I wish more than anything that I could take this pain away for my family. I wish I could undo it, fix it, trade places — anything to make it right. I wish our Skylar girl was still here. I can still see her smile, hear her laugh in my head, and it hurts so much to know she’s not here lighting up the world the way she did.

It’s just not fair. None of it is. No child should ever have to face something so cruel. No parent should ever have to watch their baby suffer, to be strong when their whole world is breaking. I hate it — I hate this illness, I hate what it steals, I hate that it exists at all. And yet, in the middle of all that hate, there’s this fierce love that remains — love for Skylar, for her mama and daddy, for her brother, for Nini and Pop, for everyone who loved her so deeply.

Skylar’s story changed us. Her courage, her laughter, her light — it’ll never fade. And while the pain feels unbearable right now, I know her spirit is still with us. I picture her coloring the skies with her bright imagination, surrounded by rubber ducks, sunflowers, and endless sunshine. I like to believe she’s free from pain now — dancing, smiling, and sending us reminders that she’s still here, just in a different way.

So tonight, I’ll hold my girls a little tighter. I’ll whisper a prayer for my family and for every parent who’s faced this kind of heartbreak. And I’ll promise — we’ll keep fighting, loving, remembering, and spreading awareness for children like Skylar. Because their stories deserve to be told.