Two Shadows and a Full Heart

Two Little Shadows

There are days when I can’t even take a shower—let alone go to the bathroom—without being followed. My kids, now eight and four, are getting older, and occasionally I’m granted a quiet moment to myself. But that’s only on the excellent days. Most of the time, even when their dad is home, they still need to know exactly where I am and what I’m doing at all times. Privacy? What’s that?

I love my kids more than anything in this world, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes feel suffocated. I often joke that I have two little shadows who follow me everywhere—but it’s not always a joke. Some days, I just want one day to breathe, to not feel like I’m being pulled in ten directions at once.

And yet, when they’re not home—off at school or out having fun with family or friends—I miss them like crazy. The house is quieter, sure, but also a little emptier. Because no matter where they are, I’m still their mom. I’m a mother 24 hours a day, 7 days a week—even in the silence.

Lately, I’ve found myself asking: Who am I, really? As much as I crave an identity outside of being a wife and mother, I’ve also come to accept that this is who I am. The day I found out I was pregnant was the day I stepped into this role, and I haven’t looked back. Being a mom is the most important label I could give myself—and the one I wear with the most pride.

That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. There are moments I think about the person I used to be—the version of me before diapers, nap schedules, and sticky fingerprints on every surface. I miss her sometimes. I miss the simplicity and spontaneity of those earlier years. But would I trade this life for that one? Not a chance.

Motherhood is messy, loud, chaotic, and all-consuming. But it’s also the most beautiful, grounding, love-filled thing I’ve ever known.

So for now, I’ll take the two shadows and the bathroom interruptions. I’ll hold space for the woman I used to be, even while embracing the woman I’ve become.

Because at the end of the day, this is the life I chose—and it’s the one I love.