Built by Day, Undone by Night

As a mother, there are days that- I spend my entire day wrestling meltdowns, enforcing times- giving out consequences (even sometimes the ones that hurt my heart like spankings), only to feel like maybe, just maybe, something shifted? Like all of my emotional effort was finally paying off? I begin to feel like there is a sliver of hope- that my strong-willed child is starting to hear me, to feel my boundaries, to lean into my love even through the discipline. 

But then… he comes home. My husband, my children’s father. He is tired and unaware. Uninvolved in the chaos of the day. And with a few words, a lifted rule, a softened tone, or simply sometimes his presence- everything unravels. 

As I sit there wondering, was everything I did today undone in five minutes? 

He says yes when I’ve been holding firm on a no. He roughhouses when I’ve been trying to create calm. He jokes with them who just finally stopped talking back. He dismisses a behavior I spent all day correcting. And suddenly, all of the slow, hard, heart-wrenching work feels… undone.